feeling tired

if you know me personally, you know that i’m eager to learn more and in details. this manner is always independent of the subject. i am most likely to hear more and more from the experienced folks. the media is also irrelevant. if this is a video i would like to watch it immediately. if this a real person i would like to meet. if this is a text which is my favorite i would like to take a look.

i’m not sure if this is a gift or curse. because almost every time i know there is more and nothing is enough. for my personal life, it seems a gift to me. thanks to the internet i can follow up on the topic until i feel satisfied or until i tired. but when it’s come to the business world… it can be a heartbreaking experience, to be honest.

i started to work in my second year at university. i was a team member of a variety of teams. some of them were international, some of them weren’t. mostly i was assistant to key players. i supported them while we are reaching the organizational goals. and unfortunately, mostly i was more passionate than them. i was eager to learn more, i was excited about the result and i felt like there should always a way to succeed.

but in turkey, despite the company i worked for ibm, huawei, and nokia, i saw that most of the teams are trying to save the day and they are fine with that. they don’t want to prepare themself for the future. they don’t even want to take one step out of their comfort zone. they always have a way to perform specific action which is structured ages before and mostly far beyond to be efficient. they always complain about everything but took action for nothing.

i feel tired. i don’t feel excited about my job anymore. and i don’t believe in companies anymore. for me, a team of a bunch of passionate folks is way better than experienced but apathetic robots in the companies.

in 2017, i was an intern assistant at lodz technology university. i was tasted to be challenged by a project, which was preparing an emulator for arm cortex m3 cpu. and it was fabulous for me. i have to dig in the 1000 pages long arm cortex m3 manual for memory design but i took me in. and i had a very good advisor along the way who guide me very well. he also connected to his job with a passion.

in 2018, i was an attendee of the index developer conference of ibm from turkey. i met very extraordinary people who are strongly connected to their job, who are eager to learn more, who are volunteers to teach and who are passionate about their job.

after these great experiences, i couldn’t find the bits of them in the business world in turkey. maybe i’m looking for this in the wrong place or at the wrong time. i don’t know. however, i know that i feel way tired than i felt before for sure.